i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
