I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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