the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
