Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
