I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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