Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
