Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the raccoons are back...
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