Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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