I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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