I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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