i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
