I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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