tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
