I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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