Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
