no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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