her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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