I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
