Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
