My hand turned me down
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
