this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
