I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
