They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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