I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
