I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize