He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
