Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
