I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
