yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
