Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize