Michael Bay diarrhea
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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