3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need moral support for this bender
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
