Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
