I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
