Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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