Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
