You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
