Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
