Nicole vs. Life
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize