she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if only i could text you this smell
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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