Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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