never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
