K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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