I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
