My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
