never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize