I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
