hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
