paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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