OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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