Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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