I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
