Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
