Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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