It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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