We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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