when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
