Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
