i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
