after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
