this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
